Written by Sam Williamson

In The Princess Bride, the criminal genius Vizzini repeatedly and inappropriately exclaims, “Inconceivable.” His partner Inigo Montoyo finally reflects, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Like that criminal genius, Christians use religious jargon repeatedly and inappropriately. Sometimes I want to respond, “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

I struggle with the phrase, “wrestling with God.” Christians use it to describe an intentional long night of interceding with God. The phrase refers to Jacob wrestling with God (Gen. 32:22-31). We use it the wrong way; I want to reply, “Stop saying that!”

I used to work in a ministry with a man who loved the phrase. If the finances were low, he’d demand an evening bout of wrestling with God. When the congregation failed to follow the message, he’d insist on an upper room experience battling with God.

My friend used the phrase as though we needed to get God’s attention, as though we needed to place a shot over God’s bow. We’d argue with God, make our pitch, and try to persuade him of our plans. Maybe we’d fast or lie prostrate.

It reminded me of the priests of Baal as they cut themselves on Mt. Carmel (1 Kings 18). I wish I’d said to my friend, “I do not think it means what you think it means.”

It may sound noble or heroic, but an African American preacher understood it better when he preached, “Your arm’s too short to box with God!”

It distorts our relationship with God

The word “wrestle” is a fighting term, a coercive attempt to force one’s will on another. It happens with little kids fighting over a toy, with adults quarreling over finances, and with countries battling for rule of natural resources.

The term, “wrestling with God” creates the image of a battle of wills: our will or God’s. We wrestle with God because we know what needs to happen, and we are pretty sure God will get it wrong. We need to persuade him, maybe pressure or bully him.

Do we really think Jacob challenged God with, “You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

It corrupts our image of God

The idea of wrestling  with God twists our image of God, turning him into some kind of evil enemy.  We are the good guys—knowing exactly what needs to happen, and God is the bad guy—withholding his grace and power. All we need to do is impose our will on his will.

Then everything will be all right (just like all the other times we got our way?). We need to remember: If you rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Besides … Jacob? Really?

If we ever wished to imitate a hero of the faith, would any of us pick Jacob? Few other characters in scripture embody so little character.

Jacob’s entire life is a public display of coercion, conniving, and deceiving. He cheats his brother; he deceives his father; he neglects his wife; he swindles his father-in-law; and he criminally abuses his children through favoritism.

His entire life is a struggle for dominance, imposing his will with ill regard for justice or the rights of others. He is the ultimate, coercive, self-centered War Lord; but we try to be like him as we “wrestle with God.” We’ve got to stop saying that.

Besides

Jacob’s night of wrestling is symbolic for Jacob’s entire life spent wrestling with God. Jacob consciously pitted his will against everyone else’s will; subconsciously he pitted his will against God’s.

Dissatisfied with God’s plan for his life, Jacob bullied, battled, and boxed his way through life. All the while he was ultimately battling God. Oswald Chambers says,

If you ever wrestle with God, you will be crippled for the rest of your life. If you grab hold of God … simply because He is working in a way that doesn’t meet with your approval, you force Him to put you out of joint (My Utmost for His Highest).

Battling with God puts a damper on our relationship.

So what are we to do?

Instead of wrestling against God, let’s wrestle before him. Wrestling against God makes him our adversary; wrestling before God makes him our coach.

God is the only one who knows what we need when we need it, and he knows how to deliver. Wrestling with God is our way of saying we knew what we need when we need it. If we want to live that way, we should probably get used to disappointment.

Coming before God and wrestling with the issues—marriage difficulties or financial trouble—grants God the authority to coach us. (We may think our problem is a need for money; God may be teaching us to trust him.) Wrestling before God means we acknowledge our primary need is his will, especially when it differs from our own.

Jacob begins to understand this when he prays,

I’m unworthy of all your gracious love, your faithfulness, and everything that you’ve done for your servant …  Deliver me from my brother Esau’s control, because I’m terrified of him, and I fear that he’s coming to attack me.

Wrestling before God teaches Jacob Grace. He says, “I’m unworthy,” and then he asks for God’s help anyway. All our troubles come from false beliefs about God: Is he an adversary or a coach? Is he out to get us, or is he out to get good for us?

If we imitate Jacob in any way at all, let’s do it this way: let’s admit we need grace and let’s believe God is full of grace.

It’s time to say, “As you wish.” Wrestling with God so that our will prevails is …  “Inconceivable.”

I mean it.

Sam

I’ve been intrigued by the phrase “noble simplicity and quiet grandeur” which was used by the German art historian Johann Jachim Winckelmann describing the Greek aesthetic.  (I don’t want to sound like something I’m not – an intellectual and a broad-reader.  I ran across this expression on the Internet as I was researching the word “noble”.)

To live a life of “noble simplicity and quiet grandeur” seems right and true.  For, it is the man or woman with “a noble and good heart, who…produce a crop.” (Luke 8:15)  We are to live in “simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.” (2 Cor. 11:3)  We are to be “a display of God’s splendor.” (Isa. 61:3)  And, we are to “be completely humble, gentle and patient…” (Eph. 4:1,2)

A life of “noble simplicity and quiet grandeur” stated another way would be:  A life that is magnificent (lofty) and yet unpretentiousness (genuine), majestic (splendid) and yet unobtrusive (humble).

This is the life that you and I, as those who have been restored and released by the work of Christ, have been given.  But, it is not the life that this world values and therefore it must be battled for.  As Paul disclosed, “I press on (strenuously pursue) to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”  (Phil. 3:12)  In other words, living this life of “noble simplicity and quiet grandeur” is hard-won.  Why?

Because, we are up against so much resistance to this authentic life, this pilgrim’s life which is characterized as traveling lightly with great purpose.

We encounter the vastness and complexity of life.

We encounter the expectations, demands and verdicts on us by our culture.

We encounter the overwhelming needs that surround us.

Thomas Merton wrote, “To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is itself to succumb to the violence of our times. Frenzy…destroys the fruitfulness of our work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”

Perhaps the greatest assault against us living this life is the belief that we hold deeply in our heart about who we are, what we have to offer and how life works.  This belief or image that has been formed over decades of interaction with our world has everything to do with the type of life we choose to live; in other words the plan that we form of how we will interact with our world.  Prov. 20:5 says that “a plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, but a man of understanding draws it out.

Years ago I asked God to reveal to me what I truly believed about myself since He knows my heart better than me.  Instantly, Radar O’Reilly in the TV series M.A.S.H. came to mind and it made complete sense.  You see, Radar O’Reilly was accepted in the “player’s circle” because he could do things for them.  He was needed for what he could do, not wanted for who he was; which had become my personal philosophy – the life-plan which had been scratched into my heart over the years.  Therefore, my life was filled with trying to prove myself and earn my way into relational and work circles through carrying heavier loads and working longer hours.  It was not a life of “noble simplicity and quiet grandeur”, but rather to have “succumb to the violence of our times” as Merton wrote.

Paul said that we can “exchange the truth of God for a lie” (Rom. 1:25) which is exactly what I had done because the lie remained in darkness unaddressed.

I confessed my accepting / agreeing with this lie, renouncing it and announcing the truth of scripture about my life.

Jesus said, “If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:31)

Peter wrote, “I will always be ready to remind you of these things, even though you already know them, and have been established in the truth which is present with you… to stir you up by way of reminder.”  (2 Peter 1:12)

Paul admonishes us to “stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth” (Eph. 6: 14)

Let us strenuously pursue this magnificent (lofty) and yet unpretentiousness (genuine), majestic (splendid) and yet unobtrusive (humble) life God has given us and called us to – that we my alter the world.

Your friend and ally,

Gary

At one particular moment in my life, not long ago, I asked God what He doing in my life.  He brought to me Heb. 12:27 – not necessarily a verse I wanted to hear.  I was hoping for something like “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your Master’s happiness!” (Matt. 25:23)  What God said instead was that He was about “the removing of those things which can be shaken, as of created things, so that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.”

Shaken!  Is this not the word of our time?  It seems like everything and everyone is being shaken.

Well, God followed through on what He said – He always does.  He shook me and my world, and things started to fall apart.  I was in a season of uprooting not planting, tearing down not building up, scattering not gathering.  There is a season for every activity under heaven. (Ecclesiastes 3).

The good thing is that seasons change.

The hard thing is that seasons change.

It seemed like all the things that I loved and were familiar and comfortable with, from relationships, to my work, to the way I did life were being shaken.  In the shaking, that which is truest about us is revealed, both the good and the bad, who we truly are and what we have falsely become.  The assurance of God is that those things which cannot be shaken will endure and remain, and those things which are untrue will fall.

As a friend told me, lies have speed but truth has endurance.

Ultimately, at the end of the shaking a decision must be made.   Will we realign our life to what God has revealed as the truest things about us or will we try to pick up all the things that are lying on the ground from the shaking and reattach them?  Realignment or reattachment.

As Elrond said to Aragorn in The Return of the King, “Put aside the Ranger, become who you were born to be.”  The Ranger was a good man fulfilling an important role, but there was a greater, more needed role for Aragorn.  He was more than a Ranger now.  He had become a king.  You are not who you were five year ago, or one year ago.  There is always something to “put aside” and something to “become”.

Thomas Kempis wrote, “A man is raised up from the earth by two wings—simplicity and purity. There must be simplicity in his intention and purity in his desires. Simplicity leads to God, purity embraces and enjoys Him.”

God’s great purpose in a season of shaking is to raise us up, allowing us to live as pilgrims – for pilgrims travel lightly but with great purpose.  It is the cry and the struggle of every human heart to understand our truest desire and created intention.  God will reveal it, “For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases Him” (Phil. 2:13 ISV) and He “will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.” (Psalm 32:8)

“Noble simplicity is the psyche of heroes” – unknown author

What season does God have you in?  What things are no longer appropriate or helpful in your life, from what you know about your true self at this moment?  What must you put aside, and what must you become?

Ask Him

With you in pursuing noble simplicity,

Gary

The Chris Fabry Live show talked with Gary Barkalow on the topic of: The Big Questions: Knowing God’s Will.  Chris is a great interviewer, a great story teller, an author of 70 books and enthusiastic about personal calling.

(Right click to download, left click to listen now)

There is something we love to offer; some particular, powerful way that we see, hear and/or perceive.  When we are aware and clear on what we have to offer (our glory: brilliance, strength, beauty, splendor, abundance) we can be far more discerning as to what opportunities we are to take or what tasks we need to release.  We know how God has gifted us and whether our glory is needed in a certain situation.  When we are clear about who we are and what we have to offer, we are not as easily seduced by the needs, predicaments, urgings, prodding’s and manipulations of others.

The glory of our life answers the question, “What do I have to offer?”  As we gain clarity about our glory another question arises, “Toward what end, what purpose, what cause?”

Many people begin the pursuit of their calling by looking for a cause that they can give themselves to… and eventually find themselves living a life that is far from the desires of their heart.   It is unhelpful to start with a “cause”.  We must instead pursue the discovery and development of the glory of our life.  Too many people have allowed their life to be contained, limited and defined by a “cause,” only to find that the very thing that energized their life, was now draining the life out of them.  How often have we entered into a cause with excitement and passion, only to leave burned out and resentful?  You see, our life is far bigger than any job, position or cause – these kind of positions are simply places of contribution… these causes touch who we are, but they don’t define us.

The genesis of a personal cause

We live in a day and age of massive exposure to the needs of the world.  If we pay attention to the conditions of our surroundings, if we read or listen to the news or if we watch any educational shows, we are aware of a myriad of needs.  Some needs grab our interest, while others do not.

Out of the needs that we take interest in, some can evolve into concerns – things that we occasionally think about, read about and talk about.  But these concerns are still to numerous and distant from our heart to really act on or do anything about.

However, a few of these concerns will become burdens – things which for some of us, will carry an undeniable and profound weight.  Burdens create a yearning or demand that someone do something concerning the issue.  The heart can only carry a few real burdens.

One or two of these burdens will reveal themselves as “our cause” – something that we cannot escape, nor do we want to – at a deep level.  A personal cause cries out, “I have to do something about this!” rather than, “Someone ought to do something about this.”  This burden goes beyond just reading, thinking and talking about the need.   It goes beyond sensing the weightiness of it.  The burden becomes compelling – something we must do, something we structure our life around, something that we will sacrifice for, something that will give us a directional heading.

Let me make this more personal.  (Needs) I am constantly reminded about the corruption, arrogance and foolishness that permeate many governing institutions.  I am deeply aware of the brokenness and bondage of the human heart and the corresponding deception and despair that reigns over people’s lives.  I am conscious of the financial plight we are getting ourselves into as a nation.  I notice the irresponsible and damaging ways that we manage the environment.   I am mindful of the dangerous and hideous things that are occurring around the world.

(Concerns) I find myself paying special attention to anything that touches on the potential of the human heart – books, articles, movies, speakers – from a biblical world-view standpoint.  I love to read or hear about people who (often unnoticed by others or even themselves) offered what they saw, knew, imagined or could do and in so doing really changed things.

(Burdens)  I am unsettled by the diminishment, dismissal and side-lining of individuals who carry the image and glory of God – be it through the relentless assault of the world and Satan or the abuse and abandonment of people.  I am disturbed by the quick-fix teaching and counsel about calling that ultimately disheartens people, distancing them from God.  I absolutely love when I see the glimmer of the vein of gold that runs through a person’s life, but more importantly, when they recognize and own the glory of their life.

(Cause)  I love and am compelled to help people recover their heart, walk with God, interpret their life, offer their glory, and persevere with joy.  I want to “spur [others] on toward love and good deeds” ^{(Heb. 10:24)}, “warn[ing] those who are idle, encourage[ing] the timid, help[ing] the weak.” ^{(I Thess. 5:14)}  I know that my impact is limited, so I want to come alongside others who are compelled to do the same.  (Calling/Glory) I am to do this by bringing clarity, focus, design and intentionality to others.

Writing my progression through “needs, concerns, burdens and cause” took quite a bit of time and fighting-through for me, surprisingly.  But spending time with this progression brought me some valuable clarity.   Let me encourage you to try it yourself.

Your inquisitive friend,

Gary

An interview with the host of the Boundless Show, a ministry of Focus on The Family, talking about calling for 20-somethings.

(Right click to download, left click to listen now)

Twenty-five years ago a client asked me to meet with her president for an hour-long lunch. Her president was an industry innovator. But, she told me, the president was also almost wordlessly introverted. She proposed I come prepared with a stockpile of stories to fill the conversational void.

The night before my visit, I talked with my father. He suggested an alternate plan.

My father said there is nothing people like more than to hear the sound of their own voice. Instead of telling amusing anecdotes, he suggested I ask questions.

The next day (at lunch with a reticent president) I asked question after question. The one-hour lunch stretched beyond two, and he talked almost non-stop. He waxed eloquent of his fly fishing hobby. He explored the mysteries of different fly rods. He told tales of the intricacy—and successes and failures—of tying fish flies.

After two and a half hours, he glanced at his watch astonished. He was late for his weekly executive board meeting.

A board member later laughed about that board meeting. He said that the reclusive president practically bubbled with passion about our lunch. He wanted each executive to meet me. He said I was the greatest conversationalist he had ever met.

The thing was, I hadn’t told a story. Not one. I just asked questions.

Helping someone find their voice

Within each person dwells an inner life. We mostly see their outer shell—their green eyes or narrow nose, their title, or their introverted or extroverted exterior.

But within that shell, hiding just beneath the surface, resides the true person.

Each inner self possesses a treasure trove of wisdom and experience that is longing to express itself; it observes and understands the world with a rich and unique perspective.

Inside every heart is an ache to be heard. But the world is a noisy place; iPods and iPhones—and headlines and headphones—saturate the stage and deafen our ears. There’s no room for another voice.

Every human has an inner voice that aches to be unleashed. We have inarticulate, unformed thoughts that are desperate for expression; there is something deep we wish to communicate, but we can’t find the words.

Until someone asks questions. Questions are the tools of the explorer; they are the treasure maps and flashlights of the heart hunter. By them we find the trails and tunnels into the inner life of another human heart.

Questions unlock that voice in another person. We give them a stage on which to speak. Questions lead to more questions, as a kind of “Encore, encore; we want to hear more.”

And something magical can happen

Every once in a while something magical happens—something almost divine. Our soul touches another soul. We encounter the real inner person.

During my lunch with the president, I asked what he liked so much about tying tiny flies. He paused, as though he had never verbalized this thought before. Then he softly breathed, “I love the perfection, the tiniest of details; I simply love the craft of it.”

His eyes widened in wonder, “I’ve never told this to a soul before. Not even to my wife.”

He saw my shared wonder. Somehow, in some way, something inarticulate from within him was expressed. While simple—tying fish flies—the shared experience of wonder connected us. He had found a voice, an ability to express an inner compelling.

Over the years

He and I began to meet a couple times a year for lunch. He told me of his first love, of getting married, of seeing his children born, of difficulties, and of successes.

He frequently marveled, “I’ve never said this before.” I shared his wonder at his own expressions. Our hearts connected. Not every time, but often.

He began asking me questions. He grew curious about my curiosities. He became fascinated with skiing, while hating the cold. He took interest in my family, though he never met them. He marveled at computers, but he still used a typewriter.

The secret ingredient

Questions can give another person a voice, but they don’t always.

An often forgotten spiritual truth is we must have before we can give. We must be loved before wegive love (1 John 4:19); we can only offer comfort with the comfort we’ve been given (2 Cor. 1:4).

It’s an easy to ask questions for our own sake, to think, “My, what a profound question I just asked.” That is, we use them to find our own voice. The only way to really help others find their voice is to let someone else help us find ours first.

The president began asking me questions only after his voice had been heard.

The surest way to find our voice is to let God ask us questions, and answer them back as he listens. Someone once suggested I take every question God asks in scripture, and answer it back to God. I began to make a list.

Attached is a PDF with questions Jesus asks of others. As I’ve answered them back to God, I’ve sensed his attention on me, almost his curiosity at my inner reflections. And when I finally get to the bottom of an issue, I’ve sensed his delight in my wonder.

I’ve connected with God, and it creates in me an almost wordless wonder.

Any questions?

Sam Williamson

I have the fun and privilege of talking to many people each week by phone, email, chat and in person at Base Camp, retreats, on radio interviews, podcasts and over a cup of coffee. Each person’s story is fascinating and their questions both profound and common.  So, from recent conversations, let me offer a few thoughts that may be helpful.

Adjust with the seasons.  Life continually changes and when we lock our self into one particular way of living, we will become stuck, frustrated, disappointed and questioning.  There are times when we can navigate our days by clarity and desire.  But there are also times when the fog is so thick that we doubt that we ever had either.  This is when discipline is needed.  Yes, discipline…that word that seems to be in opposition to desire.  C.S. Lewis wrote, “A perfect man would never act from a sense of duty; he’d always want the right thing more than the wrong one. Duty is only a substitute for love (of God and of other people), like a crutch that is a substitute for a leg. Most of us need the crutch at times: but of course it is idiotic to use the crutch when our own legs (our own loves, tastes, habits, etc.) can do the journey on their own!”  You see, there are times when “desire” looses it legs, and discipline must carry us.  There is a beautiful dance between desire and discipline.

Develop your splendor.  It is easy for us to neglect the development and training of our particular glory because it comes fairly easy to us.  Instead, we put out time and resources into the development our weaknesses because they are painful and difficult.  As a friend said me, we will almost always choose the relief of pain over the increase of pleasure.  We need to take the time to enhance, focus and hone the God-given splendor / effect of your life: read, experience, ask questions, offer and reflect. Erwin McManus wrote in Uprising, “Our capacity to run free is related to our commitment to stand firm. There is a discipline of the heart that marks the free spirit. All of us long to play the song in our souls, and more of us would do so if it didn’t require endless hours of studying the notes.”

Live fully in your world.  All to often we disengage from our surroundings and friendships because we live in the “what about” world.  You know, “what about what missionaries go through”, “what about the hardship those in Haiti and Japan are experiencing”, “what about the Middle East situation”.  Dallas Willard wrote in The Divine Conspiracy, “Every last one of us has a ‘kingdom’…a realm that is uniquely our own, where our choice determines what happens…in the range of our effective will…In creating human beings God made them to rule, to reign, to have dominion in a limited sphere.”  So, don’t let that which is not within in your influence (other kingdoms) diminish or deter you from offering your glory to those in your world (your kingdom).

Utilize what you’ve got:  We are all longing and looking for that group of people whom we can create, battle, achieve and journey with.  For most of us, the cry of our heart has been the U2 chorus, “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”  We look for something that we believe “should be” vs. “could be”.  We believe that finding and developing this “fellowship” should be easy, since God wants this for us and we need it.  I’ve found that we always possess more than we are aware of.  We look over and around what is already available to us.  Of those whom I create, battle, achieve and journey with, some are local while others are distant.  Some of these friendships are fairly new and some historic, but regardless of longevity, we need each other and we’re turning into something.

I hope that something I have written here has been helpful.  It has for me.

Wanting to learn, move, offer and advance,

Gary

A conversation with Tom Mohn, a man who has walked with God many years, who is filled with wisdom, love, perspective, faith, perseverance and grace – filled with Jesus.

(Right click to download, left click to listen now)

A conversation with Pat Morley, author and founder of Man In The Mirror.

(Right click to download, left click to listen now)