Written by Sam Williamson.

When we think about the tests of God, most of us shudder. Yet I believe that they can be a key to Hope and Joy. Let me explain.

I began flying lessons in 1997. These lessons taught me to take off and land, to navigate using aviation charts, and to communicate with air traffic control.

I particularly liked learning to land.

On my second flight, my instructor Jayne pulled the throttle to idle and announced that my engine had just died. She asked what I was going to do. Throttling her was not an option because I hadn’t yet learned to land. But I was strongly tempted.

Soon a pattern emerged. She’d kill the engine, I’d want to kill her, and we’d practice standard engine-restart procedures, and I’d look for a place to land. Then we would circle down to the landing site until Jayne said we would have made it (or not). Then she’d re-throttle the engine, we’d climb, and we’d review what I had done.

Jayne drilled the engine-out procedures so thoroughly into me that I could have done them in my sleep, though I never tried.

Two Types of Tests.

Jayne taught me to fly through a series of tests. The nature of these tests—repetition and reflection—taught me to fly. Educators call these tests Formative Tests. They are educational methods that train us in the midst of the test, such as my flying instructor’s engine-out surprises.

Each time Jayne killed my engine it was a test, but the test itself trained me to handle emergencies safely and confidently. Formative Tests teach us today how to avoid disqualification tomorrow.

However, when most of us think of tests, we picture Summative Tests. Summative Tests measure how much we have already learned, such as college entrance exams (the ACT or SAT), midterms, and finals.

While Formative Tests are designed to qualify us for the future, one could say that Summative Tests are designed to disqualify us, as in “My SAT score was low so I failed to get into Harvard.”

So what.

Why is this distinction so important? Because understanding the difference between Summative and Formative Tests is the key to joy or despair. It is the difference between midday-sun and midnight-darkness. Frankly, it is the gospel.

Most people consider Christianity to be one large Summative Test, sort of a huge College entrance exam; a big moral test which we repeatedly fail. But it isn’t.

Why do we fear the tests of God? Why do we freak out when we read passages like this, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you” (1 Peter 4:12)? We fear God’s tests for these reasons:

• We fear the Failure of tests
• We fear the Pain of tests
• We fear the Purpose of tests

The Failure. If God’s tests are Summative (assessing and disqualifying), then yes, we should fear them. But if God is using tests to form us, then we can be at peace—even in the middle of a crisis. When we misunderstand the nature of testing we think God is disqualifying us, when he is actually qualifying us. Through tests he makes us more capable; he dismantles the false self and builds in us our truest calling. He broadens our shoulders and he strengthens our steps. He’s teaching us to fly.

The Pain. When we barely hold our lives together, the mere thought of the burden of a test—adding one more thing—causes pain. We fear our engine-out-plane will hit the ground. But God himself is our flight instructor, sitting in the plane next to us. He is not on the ground giving radio instructions. His exercises develop strength. He is preparing us for something great.

We willingly experience self-inflicted pain to attain our own goals—the pain of exercise to gain health, the pain of dating to find a spouse, the pain of child-rearing to have a family—so why do we fear the pain of God’s tests? Isn’t he always after greater goals than we seek? Isn’t he more careful with our hearts than we are? He is always after something richer than we imagine.

The Purpose. We think we know what we need, and we fear God will get it wrong. God’s tests often go in directions we don’t wish. We want to be a doctor, and God wants to give us peace. We want financial security and God wants to give us joy. God formed our hearts and deepest desires. He created our calling before we were born. He knows what we need, and through his tests he reveals our hearts and our calling. And he is teaching us to land.

When we believe God’s tests as Formative, we experience hope, the pressure is off. We know that God has prepared us for this moment, and we rest knowing God uses this moment to prepare us for the next. It’s okay. Even if we “fail” this time around, God uses today’s experience to prepare us for tomorrow.

Only one test is truly Summative. That test is what we choose to belief. Do we choose to believe his tests are Summative or Formative? If we believe his tests are Summative—and failure is disqualification—then everything rests on our shoulders.

When we believe in our hearts that he has done everything for us—he has already qualified us—then every test is an engine-out exercise.

He’s teaching us to fly.

Sam Williamson

A week or so ago, while in a worship time giving my life to God as I was lead by the songs, God spoke something I was not expecting.  It was in the context of what I was giving to God – my thoughts, words and presence, my calling.  He said, “Gary, you can’t wing it.”  I knew exactly what He was referring to.  I had been living at a pretty fast pace, from phone call to meeting to e-mail.  I was banking on “in the moment” discernment, wisdom and recall based off of my life experiences and learning.

God was saying to me that I can’t do that and have the impact I desire to have in the lives of others.  In other words, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Do not be wise in your own eyes.” (Prov. 3:5 & 7)  God was addressing my pace-of-life, but more poignantly, He was surfacing what I believed others wanted or needed from me – my understanding, perspective and experience.  What we all need more of is God – His words, kindness, presence, revelation, and intervention.

Often we have no idea where a person is at or what they need in a given moment.  They may be on the brink of despair or being overwhelmed or quitting on something or someone.  Just looking into their eyes, or a hand on their shoulder, or a few words, or simply our being with them could change everything.  Think of the things that have changed your life, negatively or positively.  Has it not been someone’s words or their silence, or a person’s presences or their absence, or a person’s gaze or their looking away?  How can we possibly know what someone needs when they may not really know?  Only God knows, so we must ask Him, staying close to Him in every conversation and activity.

The assault is always the same against the glory that we possess and are to offer to others  – the accusation that you have nothing of significance to offer, others they don’t want what you have, it won’t go well, you’re on your own.

The truth is that our life, our presence, our effect is weightier than we understand.  The only one who underestimates the power of our life, in the spiritual realm, is our self.  It’s going to take an unrelenting insistence on intimacy with God and undaunted courage in our offering to others.  As the tag line states in the movie trailer for Tears of the Sun, “The lives of many rest in the courage of a few.”

You are courageous and noble hearted.

Gary

In 1989 the company I worked for was dying; it was losing money like the prodigal son, it had a two-year sales drought, and our owner—though previously successful—was out of cash. The company asked me to demonstrate our software to one of our prospective clients. Actually, our only prospective client. If we didn’t land this deal, we were out of business and I was out of a job.

The night before the demo the client’s consultant Jerry invited me to dinner. He said our competitors bungled their demos by wasting half of the time showing “cool” features that the client didn’t need. And when the client said they weren’t interested in such functionality, our competitors ignored their requests, continuing to show off the coolness of this or that particular feature.

Jerry went on to say that our competitors had failed because they wouldn’t yield control of the conversation to the client. The competitors thought they knew what was needed while only the client knew what was needed. Jerry suggested I begin my demo by asking the client to describe their needs. And then, he suggested, I use the rest of the presentation to show solutions to their needs. I did. They liked it. We got the deal. And I kept my cubicle.

What does demoing software and controlling conversations have to do with hearing God?

Everything.

During the last several months of 2011, I faced a major decision. Almost every day I asked God for direction. I prayed, I begged for wisdom, I asked friends, I read scripture; and God continued to withhold a direct answer to my question.

This past week I was reading Colossians where Paul prays that we be “filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Col 1:9).

I said to God, “that’s what I’m asking for, knowledge of your will.”

And in my heart I felt God say, “No you aren’t.” (Please note that no writing on the wall appeared and no audible voice spoke, but a tug in my heart told me to stop, that somehow, somewhere, something wasn’t right.)

I paused to reflect on what this quickening of my heart might mean, and I realized that I was not actually asking God for his will. Instead, I wanted an answer to “this” question—and this question alone— while God was speaking to me about something completely different. While claiming I wanted his will, I really only wanted his input in the area Ithought was most important. I was ignoring what he knew was most important.

I was controlling the conversation—with God!—by ignoring what he wanted to talk about.

It’s not that God doesn’t want to answer our questions, but our questions often miss the main message he wants to speak. It’s like I ask God which color to paint my closet while he builds me a mansion next door. When I finally listen to God’s answer—which is always grander and more profound that what I’m looking for—then (and only then) will I have the answer for my comparatively tiny question.

While I wrestled with my question these past months, God kept talking about other things, and I felt—though I never said it to myself—but I felt like God was missing the point, he wasn’t answering my question. But he was answering my question by answering a deeper question than I pursued.

And I wasn’t listening, because I was controlling the conversation.

God is always speaking to us, but his answers are almost always deeper and more profound than our simple questions ask.

• Moses saw a strange bush on fire, and he asked, “What’s that all about?” and God said, “I want you to lead my people out of slavery into freedom.” God’s answer didn’t directly answer Moses’ question.
• Nicodemus says to Jesus, “You clearly are a man of God,” and Jesus says, “If you want to see the Kingdom of God you need a new life, you have to be born yet again.” Again, a seeming non-sequitor.
• The woman at the well asks Jesus to “give her this water so she’d never be thirsty again,” and Jesus tells her to go get her husband.

God is always speaking, always offering more than we ask or think. Moses was curious about a scientific anomaly and God gave him a new life mission; Nicodemus wanted a bit of wisdom so he could live a bit better and Jesus offered a whole new righteousness; the woman at the well wanted freedom from a domestic chore and Jesus offered a life of freedom from her relational-addiction.

Not only does the bible include conversationally oriented episodes, it also includes an entire book on the subject. The book of Job has spoken to more people than any book written by any modern author (including C. S. Lewis) and the book of Job has comforted more suffering people than any other book ever written.

And the book of Job concerns who controls the conversation.

The first 29 verses of Job sketch what happens to Job. The next 36chapters paint a picture of people controlling the conversation—Job’s wife and friends and even Job—all asking why God has done this. The best advice given to Job comes from the youngest counselor, who tells Job to stop controlling the conversation, “Listen to this, O Job: stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God” (Job 37:14).

And when Job finally stands still, God speaks, revealing his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And Job was satisfied, saying, “I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (Job 42:5). And that is all we ever really need.

So God, let’s talk. Uh, you first.

Sam Williamson

© Copyright 2012, Beliefs of the Heart, Ltd. All rights reserved.

“For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world.” Jesus

“I’m bored with my life” and “I’m afraid to make a change.”  I hear these two thoughts almost daily in conversations with others and I’ve uttered them more than a few times myself.  Apathy and anxiety.  Seemingly opposites and yet we can somehow live with both.  Perhaps this is a bi-polar heart.

Several nights ago I pulled a book from a bookshelf in our bedroom that caught my eye – Viktor Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning.  Laying on my bed wondering where to start, I found a dog-eared and underlined page which is where I began reading.  Frankl wrote about the need to reorient our heart toward the meaning of our life because most people live in what he calls an “existential vacuum” – a life without a meaning worth living for.  He states the effect of which is life in either a state of boredom or distress.

I remember my dad telling me, “there is nothing worse than boredom, so find something to do and work hard at it.”  In other words, get busy.  It works, except you end up walking away from boredom across the “existential vacuum” right into distress.  And in that state, you dream of moments of boredom once again.  It’s ridiculous!

But it’s more than ridiculous, it’s tragic.  Frankl went on to say, “People today in this existential vacuum either wish to do what other people do (conformism) or do what other people wish him to do (totalitarianism).”  When I ask people how they got into the job or ministry they are currently doing, their answer is usually because they were told they should do it or they wanted to have another’s life.  In doing so, we actually give up our life, our place and our contribution.  The only way to resist such a temptation is to understand your calling, the unique glory you possess.

One evening during my three days alone with God, I asked Him where He wanted me to direct my thinking.  He asked me to think back through each shift in my working life. I realized that each change was centered on the issue of the alignment of my life to what I had discovered was truest about me, my glory.  Sometimes the incongruity between who I was and the position I was in was resolved by a new opportunity that I could easily step into.  Other times, I had to leave one place before I could find the next.  Some decisions were made out of personal conviction and faith, others out of the coercion of souring circumstances.

With God, the issue is always the aspect of His glory which He has given you and where He wants you to offer it; it’s not “job fit”, advancement or benefits.

Viktor Frankl quotes Nietzsche as saying, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”  Okay, that’s huge.  We must pursue God on our why and trust Him with the how.

Jesus said to Pilate, the one who would brutally beat and crucify him, “For this I have been born, and for this I have come into the world” (John 18:37)  Jesus knew his why so He could bear the how.

What is your why?

“God’s calling is the key to igniting a passion for the deepest growth and highest heroism of life”. Os Guinness

With you in the pursuit of a fruitful life,

Gary

It could be the busyness of the “season”, simply the end of a full-on year of life, battle with the secularization of Christmas, spiritual warfare or unrealistic expectations. Whatever the cause, the effect is what I want to reverse.

August of 2009 I recorded a video-blog on my time alone with God on my birthday titled Take Another Look. I think birthdays are a great time to recount our life’s story.  I think New Years is a great time to recount our length of days.

I have always been stuck by Moses statement, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12) There is certain type of focus, intentionality and perspective that we gain when we understand the capacity or quantity of our life.

Christmas Eve, Leigh gives each family member a book. Last year, Leigh gave me a book by Charles Spurgeon, Power Over Satan.  Spurgeon wrote, “Among men there are some who know a great many important matters but act as if they do not know them. Their knowledge is so much wasted heaped up in the storeroom of their minds and never brought into the workshop to be used for practical purposes…we are not as earnest as dying men ought to be.”

He goes on to say how Satan is aware of his shortness of time in both this world and in a person’s life therefore “his evil nature is all on fire, and his excitement is terrible.” And, “how much the shortness of our time ought to stir our hearts…to ardency of love and fervency of zeal…in our days of sojourning here!”

Bringing into the workshop what God has shown me; becoming more earnest with who I am; stirring the fire within my redeemed heart -this is what I need.

Here a few of the questions I’m taking to God as the new year begins:

What is it that you have put in me that I am not fully walking in and offering?

What parts of my life are not fully awake, alive and free?

What is the season that I am coming into?

What am I lacking at this point that I will need for this coming season?

Where I’m I still living out of duty, obligation, expectations, guilt, shame or pressure instead of love, generosity, grace and passion?

What have you put on my heart that it’s time has come?

How am I to walk with others differently?

Are their things in my life that are not to be brought into this next season?

What have you revealed to me that I have not picked up on, noticed, understood or embraced?

I want to encourage you to snatch some time away with God alone if you haven’t already. It may be for a few hours or a few days. It may be in your favorite coffee shop, in your car at your favorite overlook, in a hotel room or retreat center. You and God, away, alone for a longer-than-usual time is what is needed.

Stirring the fires of ardent love and fervent zeal,

Gary

It’s amazing how we can think too little or too much. We can think about a desire or idea to the point of it’s suffocation or we can move on it without letting it fully form – to it’s demise.

God has given us these two pieces of counsel:

“Desire without knowledge is not good – how much more will hasty feet miss the way!” Proverbs 19:2 NIV

“Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves.”  James 1:22 NCV

Personality assessments tell us that we tend to be either more impulsive or more contemplative. Aside from “personality” theory I think, from all the stories I’ve heard over the years, we are predominately contemplative…or perhaps more accurately hesitant, suppressed, idle or passive.

I ran across this thought from Oswald Chamber in The moral foundation of life : A series of talks on the ethical principles of the Christian life:

“We are not meant to spend our lives in the domain of intellectual thinking. A Christian’s thinking ought never to be in reflection, but in activities. The philosopher says, “I must isolate myself and think things out”; he is like a spider who spins his web and only catches flies. We come to right discernment in activities; thinking is meant to regulate the doing….Think of the time we waste in talking to God and in longing to be what He has already made us instead of doing what He has told us to do!

Perhaps the increased understanding we desire about our life and calling can only be found in it’s offering (“activities”). Perhaps we are stuck, not for a lack of understanding, but for lack of initiated movement. Perhaps instruction will come as we create motion, as with a CD of beautiful music that cannot be heard or perceived until it begins to spin.

As I am writing these thoughts, I am reminded of the verse:

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin…” Zechariah 4:10 NLT

Let’s offer together what we have at this moment, be it a little or a lot, and let it begin.

“Though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great.” Job 8:7 NRSV

Gary

 “In the presence of eternity, the mountains are as transient as the clouds.” – Robert Green Ingersoll

You’re not the only one who gets discouraged.  I do.

You’re not the only one who works too hard and too long knowing the striving may not be coming from a noble place.  I do.

You’re not the only one who stares at a list of things that have to get done or else something bad is going to happen, but procrastinates anyway.  I do.

You’re not the only one who can’t wait to be alone to relax or to get things done, but when you are alone …can’t sit still or can’t get moving.  I do.

You’re not the only one who can’t completely leave the past.  I can’t.

You’re not the only one who needs a little more assurance.  I do.

You’re not the only one who doesn’t take corrective words from others as well as you’d like to think you do.  I don’t.

You’re not the only one who gets mad at God.  I do.

You’re not the only one who gets worn down by life.  I do.

You’re not the only one who says things you wish you hadn’t.  I do.

You’re not the only one who knows you aren’t everything some people think you are.  I know.

You’re not the only one who wishes you were a better friend.  I wish I were.

You’re not the only one who has times of being afraid.  I do.

You’re not the only one who is confused about the difference between God’s part and my own part.  I am.

You’re not the only one who wishes you were a better husband and father or wife and mother.  I wish I were.

You see, “We have this treasure from God, but we are like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that the great power is from God, not from us.  We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated.  We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living.  We are persecuted, but God does not leave us.  We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.  We carry the death of Jesus in our own bodies so that the life of Jesus can also be seen in our bodies.”  2 Corinthians 4:7

You are not alone.  Though our lives are different, our journeys are similar. Our persevering through troubles, confusion, oppression and wounding with Jesus actually spotlights the treasure of God’s life and His glory in us.

From one not-defeated, hopeful, not-abandoned, not-destroyed clay jar to another,

Gary

A conversation with Sam Williamson & Jeff Andrechyn in which we share personal stories of God’s guiding hand and watchful eye as He directs us to realign our life with what is true.

It feels like night vision is required when looking into our own life or the life of another. We can make out the shape of some things that seem to be significant in the discovery of who we are, but they remain fairly dim and undefined or can disappear altogether.

I remember several late evenings (actually early mornings) getting up and walking into the kitchen to get a pain reliever for a headache. I would leave the lights off hoping not to wake my wife and avoiding any other reasons for my head to hurt.

As I would walk through the dark living room, I would sometimes catch a glimpse of a pair of shoes or the vacuum cleaner with my peripheral vision. As I tried to focus directly on it, it would often disappear. As soon as I looked straight ahead, I would see it once again. Why?

In the same way, have you ever noticed an airplane or a satellite moving across the dark evening sky and as you attempt to follow it, it disappears? Why?

I found the answer in a firearms training course I recently took, as the instructor talked about dim light shooting and eye sight. I discovered a transcendent truth in a most unlikely place.

The iris is like the shutter of a camera, opening and closing to regulate the amount of light entering the eye though the pupil. When we talk about eye color, we are talking about the iris.

The retina is similar to the film in a camera. The retina is struck by light coming in through the pupil, forming an image, and then causing an impression to be transmitted to the brain through the optic nerve.

The retina is composed of two different types of cells -­‐ cone cells and rod cells. The cone cells are your “day eyes” because they require a great deal of light to activate them and they are blind during periods of low-­‐illumination. These cells enable you to see color, shape, and contrast.

Your “night eyes” are your rod cells. They produce a chemical substance called visual purple, which makes them active in darkness or periods of low-­‐illumination. They enable you to distinguish black, white, and shades of gray, and to distinguish general outlines.

Alright, here is where I’m going with all of this – the principles of night vision.

First, we must give our eyes time to adapt to low levels of illumination. It takes approximately 20-­‐30 minutes for the rod cells to produce enough visual purple to activate and enable you to distinguish objects in dim light.

Too often we want instant clarity and when it doesn’t come, we stop looking – we walk away from our search. Clarity always come in degrees and over time. It takes time for the eyes of our heart (Eph. 1:18-­‐ 19) to adjust to the often dim light over our story. “People’s thoughts can be like a deep well, but someone with understanding can find the wisdom there.” (Prov. 20:5 NCV) Deep wells are always dark.

Secondly; in dim light, we must keep our attention on an object without looking directly at it. Looking directly at an object focuses the image on the cone region which isn’t sensitive at night. To form the image on the rod cells we need to look slightly to the right, left, below or above an object. The visual purple in the rod cells blacks out in four to ten seconds and you lose sight of the object, so we must move our eyes swiftly so fresh rod cells are used. We must pause for a moment at each point because our eyes can’t see while in motion.

The human heart and the work of God is vast, complex and mysterious. When we focus on one aspect of our heart or life for a long period of time to the exclusion of others, it often becomes imperceptible. Looking around an issue, question or desire often allows it to come into focus. We must continue to scan the landscape of our life and God’s heart.

Thirdly, confidence plays a very important role in our use of night vision. Normally we use our eyes when there is plenty of light and we see sharp outlines and bright colors. When we are in darkness, objects are faint, have no sharp outlines and have little or no color. We must believe what our eyes tell us. We gain confidence by practicing these principles of night vision.

As we are willing to delve into the dimly lit recesses of a person’s story and glory, offering what we see, we will become more comfortable and skilled with our night vision.

“Now we see a dim reflection… All that I know now is partial and incomplete…” (1 Cor. 13:12)

Learning to see better,
Gary

I’m guessing that you know that Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, died yesterday – October 6, 2011.  Here is a man who much of the world was aware of…for good reasons.

It’s often fascinating and beneficial to see how a person like this thinks. Here is a quote that stand out to me.

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they’ve had more experiences or they have thought more about their experiences than other people.” Wired, February 1996

You and I are more creative than we believe.  Why?  Because God has created us in His image – a creator, an artist.

“For we are His masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared long ago to be our way of life.” Eph. 2:10 (ISV)

You and I have been created to offer to the world “good works” which are essentially our “art”.  You are an artist!

André Gide said, “Art is a collaboration between God and the artist…”  Is this not the Christian life – a collaboration between us and God?

God has invested significant experiences in us which has equipped us to “see things”, as Jobs alludes to.  But we must find clarity, understanding and revelation about these people and circumstances that God has brought into our lives.  Then the creativity comes as we “connect things.”

“I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you for Christ’s sake”.  (Philemon 1:6)

I want to encourage you to discover more of “every good thing which is in your for Christ’s sake”‘ to find more clarity, understanding and revelation about your story, desires and journey by attending the Exploration Calling Intensive Experience this December.

Gary