Continuation of Sidelined by Betrayal (click here for Part 1)
What do we do when we have been betrayed (or at least it feels like it) by a friend or a ministry – when our whole world has been shaken?
Paul tells us, “See to it that you do not refuse Him who speaks…’Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.’ …the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.” (Hebrews 12:26-27)
Typically, our initial response with painful lose is to “put the pieces back together”, but here we are admonished to leave on the ground whatever is shaken off (detached) and embrace what God is revealing as the truest parts of our life.
As C.S. Lewis said, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.”
To do this, I believe there are several things we must do:
Right Your Heart, Not The Wrong (the kingdom inside)
Focus on the condition of your heart vs. the conundrum of the betrayal.
“We have little control over the circumstances of life. We can’t control the weather or the economy, and we can’t control what other people say about or do to us. There is only one area where we have control–we can rule the kingdom inside. The heart of every problem is the problem in the heart.” Warren Wiersbe
Don’t Be Naive Or Cynical About The Power of Sin (genuine faith vs. naïve optimism)
“At first glance, genuine faith and naïve optimism appear identical since both foster confidence and hope. But the similarity is only surface deep. Genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me. Naïve optimism is groundless. It is childlike trust without the loving Father. Optimism rooted in the goodness of people collapses when it confronts the dark side of life. Shattered optimism sets us up for the fall into defeated weariness and, eventually, cynicism.” Paul Miller
Look For What God Is Up Too (the story the Father is weaving)
Joseph factored God’s Providence into his pain. Many long years after his brothers sold him into slavery, Joseph looked into their anxious eyes and said, “It was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Gen. 45:8)
“The cure for cynicism is to become like a little child again. Instead of critiquing others’ stories, watch the story our Father is weaving.” Paul Miller
Connect, Don’t Isolate (don’t let pain be the choreographer)
The natural reaction to pain is to pull away from it’s source which, in the case of betrayal (or the sense of it), is people. Deep, meaningful, Godly friendship is what we need, especially in a time like this. We must be prayerfully discerning about who we share our heart and story with.
Shortly after my experience of friendship betrayal, God drew my attention to two pictures on my bookshelf. One was a print by G. Harvey, of 4 cowboys crossing a river on horseback.
Another was a picture postcard by Wayne Cooper, of an Indian Chief alone on his horse in full war-dress focused on something in the far distance.
After gazing at these two pictures, God asked me which I wanted. I wanted the camaraderie I once had in the earlier days. As I expressed this to God, He said to me, “then go get it.” This saved my life and ministry.
My desire and the mission of The Noble Heart is that you not be sidelined discovering, deepening and deploying your calling – the life you were created to live that bring life to others.
Please consider a gift this month to help us do this freely and effectively. Thank you so much.
Sidelined by Betrayal
Really good, Gary. Reading your words revealed a pattern in my life. Betrayal brought with it, self-doubt. And self-doubt brings with it a ‘self’ focus. And that self-focus when linked with my self-doubt leaves me questioning ‘external’ things; and it rarely leads me in the way of love.
For example, the other night I led a small group gathering. I love doing that and love pursuing the hearts of those in the group, but I left the meeting ultimately questioning my actions, my ‘performance’. What did they think of my approach? Was I pressing too hard? Am I forcing them to dig too deeply, reveal too much? Well, you can see the trajectory — it was ‘sort of’ other focused (because I do really care about them), but I believe the pattern birthed in my past betrayals has left me focusing on the external me.
Your phrase, “Right Your Heart, Not The Wrong” was really eye-opening. I was focusing on what I might have done wrong, where I fell short or missed the mark. Instead, I need to look at what’s going on in my heart, apart from the ‘performance’.
Your words are a grounding-point that are helping me reorient my thoughts. I’m pausing to ask myself, “Where is my heart in all of this?”; “Why the concerns, where do they come from?”; and it is leading me to reveal motives and desire.
This approach (righting my heart) feels much more productive and right. I can’t fix all my ‘issues’ and imperfections. I let them too often become the point (trying to right my wrongs). But they are not the point. I’ve let them define me, but in righting my heart they lose their power.
I will be putting this up on my wall as a quote, “Right Your Heart, Not The Wrong” as a reminder to allow the Father to work on my heart instead of focusing on my actions and behavior and ‘failures’. I smell ‘LIFE’ in the air.
Thanks, Gary.
Mark
Gary: What a fiercely honest posting about the courage to shepherd and restore a wounded heart. I have experienced God “shaking out” an early iteration of a ministry I was called to launch in 2014. Honestly, after a few years of great and heroic work, it became an idol. Father – in his scandalous grace – brought a series of events and confirmation that it wasn’t going to be sustainable, asking me to walk away from it. Sadly, the wake of that choice brought conflict fueled by betrayal between myself and one of the co-leaders I was training. It took time to heal but the key was in inviting and allowing Jesus more deeply into my heart and story. I especially love the pictures you used in illustration of where my heart can go (the lone warrior on horseback) and where my heart truly longs to be (riding along with a true Band of Brothers). Love your noble heart, brother. Strength & Honor!!